Thank You Deena
Thank You Deena
- For Your Love & Faith in me
- For Organizing so many fun activities together
- For taking so many pictures & videos of the girls with me
- For always being nice and supportive of me, moreso than anyone else actually
- For sharing those absolutely precious children with me
5 Months Later.....
I have made those girls know that I still love them and always will. Real love is unconditional, and everlasting.
How they are now, as young teenagers, I cannot control. I know there are many negative kids, influences in school around them.
I know that I have not changed or forgotten what we were/had.
I have realized that I am only partly to blame for our absences from each other's lives during that time. It wasn't my fault initially, but I could have, should have asked, talked to Deena about it, seeing what she wanted, needed, expected from me, after she got cancer.
Looking back and after reading thru the many messages and e-mails, I now realize that it was my fault for not reading Deena's mind that she wanted more of me that summer after her diagnosis of cancer (plus her just having the baby on June 9th which is obviously a major thing by itself, in addition to dealing with horrible cancer).
I hope the girls learn that the mistakes that were made by me and their mom were because of poor communication, lack of communication, sensitivity, and stubbornness. Not lack of love. That never goes away, love. Those were human mistakes.
All the great times, moments, memories, love, hugs, laughs we experienced together "as family" prior to that were definitely not mistakes. Deena asking me to be Sarah's Godfather was not a mistake. Deena knew what she was doing then. It was no accident.
All of those, in my opinion, were gifts from God, as Deena once asked me if "I was a gift of God for them".
They, in reality, all were a gift to me, a special blessing to me, especially with Deena actually having me be Sarah's Godfather, although there was not a ceremony or anything like that, in fact Deena only said this to me in private, not even with Sarah around us so I don't even know if Sarah knew, and she doesn't treat me like anyone special anymore even when around each other.
I always thought Kenzie was perfect too. (And Sama. And Hana.)
But now they've changed. My friends with teenage girls or beyond-the-teenage-girl ages have told me girls go thru major changes at those ages and they change. So I don't know if it just just that age, or they have walls around their hearts from me hurting them thinking I bailed on them, that they were rejected or something, or who knows what. Only they know. Or is it because it's dad and not mom?
Regardless, I will love them forever & I have made them know that even if they don't care, or show that they care now. If they ever "figure it out", I'll be there for them for as long as I live, however long or short that is.
TRUE STORY
